Relationship Counselling
Individuals, couples, marriage or family counselling
Relationship counselling can be with individuals couples or families and can also focus on parenting.
The focus of relationship counselling is on communication and interaction between groups of people. Often it involves selecting a specific interaction breaking it down blow by blow in terms of thoughts, feelings, behaviours and what is observed moment by moment.
This allows us to distinguish patterns of interaction which are often repeated.
Interactions can be examined by recollecting and recounting an interaction and by creative role-play.
The purpose of these methods of looking at interactions is not to judge right from wrong but to facilitate a process of curious exploration.
When we see patterns more clearly and in a broader context they make more sense.
Couples Counselling
Everyone knows that healthy relationships are one of the foundations of great mental health and well-being.
When you do couples counselling you will focus on improving your relationship, reconciling after a separation or break-up, on effective parenting or on accepting that your relationship is over.
Even parents deciding to separate or divorce will create massive benefits for themselves and their family by working on their their relationship as parents as well as their parenting more specifically.
Sometimes, especially if there are lifelong issues, one or both parties may benefit from personal counselling instead of or along with couple therapy.
Approach to Relationship Counselling with couples
Many of the approaches used in personal psychotherapy such as the study of epistemology (the philosophy of how we know what we know), effective communication, mindfulness, body awareness and emotions are extremely helpful in couples counselling.
However my basic approach is to provide a calm environment where each person can talk from their own perspective while the other person listens and attempts to understand the other person’s point of view. Listening to and understanding the point of view doesn’t mean you accept it or agree with it, but as two people articulate and clarify their perspectives – the reasons for the clash between these perspectives becomes clearer. Areas of confusion and misunderstanding are often resolved.
The position I encourage is that a person’s perspective is neither right nor wrong – what we are trying to do in the sessions is to get an accurate understanding of both points of view including thoughts and feelings. This doesn’t mean liking or adopting that perspective for yourself necessarily. But having a proper accurate understanding might just shed some light on the difficulties.
As your psychotherapist – my job is not about taking sides – but about facilitating a conversation between two people.
Outside of therapy, discussions may have been happening in the context of intoxication with drugs or alcohol and even if this is not the case – often both parties become extremely emotionally aroused and upset. In both situations our capacity to think clearly and have a useful conversation – is greatly diminished.
At other times, we may be so disheartened by the repetitive and emotional upset involved in talking that we avoid it or just don’t give it the proper space or time. So making an appointment for relationship counselling is a way of creating the time and space to have a proper conversation supported by a therapist who isn’t taking sides. This is usually very reassuring and liberating.
For relationship therapy to work well – it depends on both parties being willing to honestly examine their own and the other person’s perspectives. If both parties are willing to look at their ‘own part in the matter’ then therapy will be very successful.
